Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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