Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
