Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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