We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
