literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
