so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
