two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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