Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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