I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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