it was like eating out sand paper
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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