My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
