I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
