You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
