my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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