why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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