You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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