I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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