I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
