I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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