If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
