I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
