matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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