he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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