I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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