i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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