we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
