That's intense
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
