I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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