I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
