My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
