am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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