i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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