There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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