Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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