hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
