If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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