Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
