Pappa wants mamma naked
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
