honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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