I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
