a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
