Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
