mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
