k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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