wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
