Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
