I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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