She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
