i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
