so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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