She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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