i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
