Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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