he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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