Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
