It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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