you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
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She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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