We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
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Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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