the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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