If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
