I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
