I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
