i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
