So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
