The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
