You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
