At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
