You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
